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CONTROL…who exactly is being controlled?

I was boggled as to what exactly I wanted to share with my article lovers tonight. I had a plan, then one of my members commented in my self esteem website. Well, in short, my mind would not let her comment rest. It was a sentence regarding, “CONTROL”. Here it is:


“If I can’t trust my spouse to keep their sexual promise to me why am I in this relationship? I don’t ever want to “control” another person’s life. I choose to believe in the promise until prove otherwise. Positive attracts positive.”


My first thought was,”WOW”!  Does one really feel that they are controlling their mate?


How does wanting them to just be with you, become a control factor?


How does your wanting to be just the one, become a control factor?


How does not wanting them to look, or talk personally to another person, become a control factor?


How does making them feel like you are suppose to be the only thing on their minds, become a control factor?


How does checking their phone logs, or their computer logs, become a control factor?


Is wondering what they are doing at every minute, a control factor?


Is questioning them on their every move, a control factor?


Is going through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you, a control factor?


Is deleting messages, they may receive on their computer, a control factor?


Is asking their friends about a certain night out, a control factor?


Is tasting them with a kiss when they have been out, a control factor?


Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or worries, have you been guilty of?


I really have to wonder who it is, that is being controlled with these jealous worries? You or them?


I totally feel that jealousy is controlling you; if you can say yes to half of these questions, it is controlling you in a very, very destructive way. You are becoming caught in a vicious circle. You will search, and through that search you are allowing yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.


It’s one of those “you are damned if you do, and  you are damned if you don`t” situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that’s what love is. Trust, believe, do not control, and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.


There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication. Another good point that was made by a member of my website was this:


“Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it’s whether or not we act on that attraction that defines our relationship.”




“I have to ask myself though…is it reasonable to control my significant others’ friendships, “just in case” they develop a sexual attraction?”


This is when the line has to be drawn by both parties. “To be human is to error”. I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.


Again, “CONTROL” is the word that comes to mind here. The control mentioned above, is of oneself again, but in a positive way. We choose to control that moment of  lust or interest; there are many words for it. The choice of control is really what matters in a relationship.


The worry of “What if”, will always be hovering. This is where our true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust.  Is it not sweeter to feel good about the,”US” in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive, “CONTROL”  on your thoughts.


Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very nice way to control ones body. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way. So, why I ask, is that not something you would do every second you can? It’s like someone saying, “OK, you can eat as much of your favorite food as you want and never gain a single pound”. HA, like as if we would not all take advantage of that in this world of restaurants at every foot of the road, that are full every day . Think about that people.


So, my question for you to think on tonight is,” Do you want to be controlled by you, or do you want to control, you?  I will leave you with that thought to ponder and a couple more… HUGGZZZZZZZ plz!!


If you CONTROL your thoughts,


(your feelings come from your


thoughts) then you control your feelings!




You can`t control


what goes on outside,


but you can always control


what goes on inside!


Dorothy Lafrinere






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